Over on Kung Pew Video, I’ve been revisiting the direct-to-video relics that raised us. This week: Class of 1999 II: The Substitute.
The Sasha Mitchell Fan Club Strikes Back
I reviewed Kickboxer 2 last year, and the Sasha Mitchell fan club came out of the woodworks to kick me in the nuts for bagging on their childhood hero. But in between all the virtual roundhouse kicks thrown my way, some commenters suggested I check out Class of 1999 II: The Substitute. So I took my lumps and added the movie to my watchlist.
The original Class of 1999 is a personal favorite of mine that I watched over and over again on Showtime as a teen, and it’s one I have revisited many times as an adult. Matter of fact, I got the Vestron Collector’s Series Blu-Ray release a few years back, which I highly recommend picking up if it’s still in print. Anyway, I’ll talk more about that movie specifically in another review.
When Schools Zones Became War Zones
If you can believe it, Class of 1999: The Substitute is the third movie in a loose trilogy of films that began with the 1982 film, Class of 1984, directed by Mark L. Lester, about an inner-city teacher pushed to the edge by violent students. 84 is a reflection of national fears surrounding the state of the US at the time. Rising crime, urban decay, and crumbling institutions saw the populations of many major US cities decline significantly. The first cut of 84 submitted to the ratings board drew an X rating, which was the kiss of death for a theatrical release back then. After making cuts to the film, the movie finally ended up with an R rating.
Class of 1999 takes that same premise, ratchets it up to 11, and moves it into the near future, where public schools have collapsed into literal war zones controlled by warring factions of youth gangs. The government’s solution is simple: replace teachers with military androids designed to restore discipline.
They restore it alright.
With flamethrowers and missile launchers.
Yeah, it’s pretty badass.
Produced by Corman’s Concorde/New Horizons, the movie capitalized on urban panic having reached a fever pitch, computer tech paranoia, and R-rated sci-fi violence. It’s not subtle, but that’s why it’s so dang much fun.
The Back of the VHS Box
Class of 1984 made money, but 99 flopped like a fatboy off a high dive, so four years later, the third film in the franchise, Class of 1999 II: The Substitute, got the direct-to-video treatment.
Different school. Different cast. But basically the same idea.
Substitute teacher John Bolen arrives at a high school in Bend Oregon that’s been overrun by gangs. He’s stoic. Polite. And, as we are told, he’s a leftover cyborg from the previous movie that somehow escaped destruction.
Somehow.
This one stars Sasha Mitchell as Bolen and Caitlin Dulany as Jenna, a teacher facing pressure to back down from testifying in a trial over a school shooting she witnessed. Nick Cassavetes plays her boyfriend and local paintball operator and military museum owner. It was directed by Spiro Razatos, best known for stuntwork in damn near every 80s and 90s genre movie you can think of, and written by Mark Sevi, who wrote such classics as Scanner Cop 2: The Showdown and Ghoulies IV.
Where the first film clearly takes the side of the teacher, Class of 1999 and its sequel The Substitute upend that paradigm and cast the cyborg teachers as authoritarian villains. Ostensibly. I think these movies are saying one thing and doing another, but I think I’ll tackle that when I review Class of 1999.
At any rate, Sasha’s stoic Bolen is basically The Terminator meets Kindergarten Cop, and he spends the balance of the movie meting out justice in the harshest manner possible.
Cozy Dystopia
It’s hard to review a movie like Class of 1999 II. Because, let’s face it: it’s not good. You know it, I know it. And while I do enjoy higher brow movies as well, there’s some other part of me, maybe the teenager in me, that enjoys this kind of movie on some other level. It has a vibe. It’s like a Southern California vibe, but even as I say that, I can’t really explain what I mean by it.
There’s a look and feel to cheap movies like this that I can only really ascribe to them having all been filmed in that same Southern California milieu. I don’t know how else to put it. But I recognize it when I see it. And you probably do too.
I recently became aware of a phenomenon called cozy or comfy genres. Apparently it’s found in music, video games, and even books. And while there are no cozy genres in movies–as far as I know–the vibe Class of 1999 II gives off for me is analogous to those found in cozy music or lit. Or at least the net effect is the same. For me.
It represents a comfortable…I want to say place, but movies aren’t places. But I think some of you may get what I am saying. Anyway, it’s like a comfortable place that feels familiar, even if you’ve never been there–or in this case seen the movie. Mostly you know what you’re in for. Expectations aren’t too high, and they’re not too low. But somehow, they’re just right.
From Click Bait to Straight Talk
And I think all too often when people talk about movies like this or review ‘em–especially on YouTube–it’s common to stake out extreme positions. They’re either the greatest cult movie you’ve never seen or the biggest pile of crap you shouldn’t waste your time on. The truth is often somewhere in between. It’s pretty safe to say that most of the general audience out there wouldn’t enjoy a movie like this. But for those of us that do, the reasons why are often hard to articulate. If you know, you know.
If you don’t, you probably already clicked away from this video.
But that’s all admittedly vague and it really does nothing to convince anyone either way whether they should watch Class of 1999 II: The Substitute.
Should You Watch?
So for those of you wanting to know why you should watch the movie, here’s my argument: If any of what I said in the last couple of minutes resonated with you, if you know what I mean by certain movies giving off a Southern California vibe that makes you feel kind of warm and cozy, you will probably like Class of 1999 II: The Substitute. If you like dystopian sci-fi where the dystopia is mostly accomplished with cheap window dressing applied to real locations like abandoned schools and industrial locations, you will probably like Class of 1999 II: The Substitute. If you are fascinated by the urban decay of the previous century, you will probably like Class of 1999 II: The Substitute.
If you like movies where criminals get what they deserve, you will probably like Class of 1999 II: The Substitute. If you like a little t & a in your low budget dystopian sci-fi action flicks, you will probably like Class of 1999 II: The Substitute. If you watch Nick Cassavetes movies (and I’m talking about the movies he acted in, not the ones he directed), you will probably like Class of 1999 II: The Substitute. And, finally, if you’re a Sasha Mitchell fan, you will probably like Class of 1999 II: The Substitute. I could probably come up with a few more reasons, but like I said, I still gotta edit this crap.
Or Skip?
For those of you wanting to know why you shouldn’t watch Class of 1999 II: The Substitute, here ya go:
You probably already know the acting isn’t great. And you can probably surmise the directing isn’t so good either. The photography is flat and uninspired, the color grading is pedestrian, and the soundtrack is whack. But Class of 1999 II’s biggest flaw is its plot.
Spoilers ahead for those of you who care.
Now in my intro I told you Sasha Mitchell’s character Bolen is a cyborg. But that’s actually a lie.
Let me explain.
Mitchell spends the entire film dropping bad high school students off of buildings, and along the way he takes a bullet or two from a few students who disagree with his disciplinary methods. Hey, you can’t please everybody.
Mitchell plays Bolen like Arnold played the original Terminator. He shows very little emotion. So the movie sells you completely on the idea that he’s a cyborg, as impervious to bullets as he is to emotion.
Pulling an M. Knight
But near the conclusion of the film, Class of 1999 II pulls a M. Knight Shyamalan and informs us that Bolen is just the mentally unstable son of Stacy Keach’s character from Class of 1999. Turns out Bolen is ex-special ops and is suffering from PTSD–and probably some unresolved daddy issues.
But we saw him take several bullets–and at point blank range!
Right.
Well, Class of 1999 II introduces its deus ex machina to get around that somewhere around the midpoint of the film when it casually shows us some cutting edge body armor that Nick Cassavetes happens to have on display in his museum–for some reason. I mean, this is literally plot armor, right?
Anyway, turns out Bolen’s been wearing this stuff the whole time, and together with his spec ops training, he’s mostly invincible. Mostly.
Now twists are fine. Or they can be. But the way this twist is revealed to us is so messy and stupid that I kind of just sat there with my mouth open in disbelief while it all unfolded.
Secret Agent Maniac?
Early in the film, a secret agent-type character is introduced, played by Rick Hill, who was also in Cyborg 2 and Deathstalker. He’s hunting the cyborg that somehow survived from the previous movie, and it’s made out as if he is on some secret mission to apprehend it. He pops up here and there, making notes in his tape recorder, as he sniffs out Bolen’s trail. And I almost forgot about him until he shows up at the climax of the film to confess that he’s a disgraced government agent–or something–who is hell-bent on restarting Stacy Keach’s cyborg soldier program. Or something.
Basically, the movie introduces another villain in the final act of the film. I guess if I was thinking about the structural reason for this, Hill’s character acts as an exposition dump to explain the convoluted mess that is the plot.
But there’s a part of me that thinks Mark Sevi wrote himself into a corner. Because, while Bolen is shown to do a heinous act near the beginning of the film, marking him as a villain, he spends the rest of the movie taking out the trash.
I mean, sure these are high school students, but they’re not kids. These are grown men doing things like shooting each other in school and threatening to kill teachers. Hell, at one point, after threats have failed to coerce her, students spray Jenna’s house with bullets in an attempt to literally silence her. Bolen saves her life, and is the only person throughout the whole film who reassures her that she’s doing the right thing. Bolen even talks about the importance of civic duty and backs her when the principal, the sheriff, and even her own boyfriend are urging her to drop her testimony.
The Kids Aren’t Alright
Class of 1999 and Class of 1999 II both share the same basic plot of the original Class of 1984. But in the sequels, the teachers are the villains rather than the students. I can only guess at why that might be, but I think the differences are mostly window dressing. I think these films share the same worldview, but for some reason the filmmakers felt the need to hide that fact in the sequels.
Jenna’s boyfriend, her principal, and the town sheriff spend most of the film behaving like cowards. And the film knows they’re cowards. And it knows by contrast that Bolen isn’t. Up until it pulls a 180 and has him commit acts that are completely out of character in an effort to convince us that he’s the psycho they tell us he actually is in the final act.
Anyway, I plan to do a rewatch of Class of 1999 and Class of 1984 soon. I’ll mull all of this over and try to come back with some better theories on why that might be.
Cozy Trash
At the end of the day what you get out of Class of 1999 II depends on what you bring with you. If you enjoy campy, low budget trash, you will find things to like about it. If you are really bothered by incoherent plots, you may not like it at all.
Sasha Mitchell’s not bad in this. He plays the stone cold type pretty well. But he also pulls off a kind of introspection and a certain kind of innocence that really pays off when you find out at the end he’s not actually a cyborg but the emotionally damaged son of the bad guy from the original. Sad.
Other than him, Cassavetes is Cassavetes. If you like him, you will like him here. If he’s not a selling point, he won’t make this movie any more digestible for you. Dulaney gives one of the movie’s best performances, but at times her character is hard to like. But she does show off some boobage, so that is a welcome pay off for any fan of this genre.
Class of 1999 II is not well-written. There’s no artistic merit to be found anywhere really. Not in the shot compositions, not in the lighting, set design, or direction. But the action is fun and kind of over the top at times. I don’t love it like I love Class of 1999, but I didn’t hate it either. And if I ever stumble across the DVD, I’ll for sure add it to my collection.
Like I said, there’s something about it that’s cozy. If you know, you know.
Kung Pew Video is where I dig into the neon-drenched, straight-to-VHS corner of film history. New episodes weekly. Be kind. Subscribe. See ya in the VHS wasteland.
