Over on Kung Pew Video, I’ve been revisiting the direct-to-video relics that raised us. This week: Cyborg 2.
Cyborg 2 is Boring
When you watch enough of low-budget genre movies like Cyborg 2, you learn a thing or two about lowered expectations. You know the budget isn’t there for cutting-edge effects or Oscar-worthy acting. You’re prepared for stiff line readings, sets made out of cardboard and duct tape, and ADR that may or may not match up with what’s on screen. But if you’re a fan of this stuff, all of those things–the things that might cause others to turn the channel or eject the tape–are part of the charm.
But there’s one thing I can’t forgive no matter where I set my expectations. And this goes for any movie, whether the budget is big or small.
I can’t do boring movies.
And Cyborg 2 is a boring movie.
Which is a shame, because it’s a better made movie than you’d think if you were judging it by that cover art.
So come along with me as I dive in to this odd little sequel–in name only–to the Van Damme kung fu classic.
So Why Watch It?
When you love a movie like Cyborg as much as I do, curiosity eventually wins.
Even when you know better.You know the sequel is going to be trash. I mean, look at the cover art. It looks like dog crap. Hell, it basically promises dog crap.
But one night you’re sitting on the couch, trying to decide how to punish yourself, and there it is on the shelf. Your DVD copy of Cyborg 2. Just sitting there. Staring at you.
“Watch me,” it whispers.
“You know you want to.”
And before you can talk yourself out of it, you pop the disc in, pour yourself a whiskey, and hope you don’t wake up in the morning feeling shame and regret.
The Back of the VHS Box
Cyborg 2 is a sequel to Albert Pyun’s Cyborg starring Jean-Claude Van Damme… basically in name only.
Aside from a few half-hearted attempts to connect the two early on, and the fact that both movies technically contain cyborgs, these films have almost nothing in common.
This one’s really about corporate espionage.
Angelina Jolie plays Cash, a highly specialized cyborg built by the Pinwheel Corporation to be used as a weapon against their Japanese cybernetics rivals, Kobayashi.
She escapes with her hand-to-hand combat instructor Colt, played by Elias Koteas. Yes, Casey Jones from the Ninja Turtles movies after Jack Palance’s character Mercy, a human augmented with cybernetic parts, decides things have gone far enough.The surface world is a dystopian mess. War, pollution, crime, the usual early-90s future miss mash.
But somewhere out there, there’s supposedly a place where cyborgs can live free. I honestly can’t remember where. Africa, maybe? It doesn’t matter.
Along the way, they’re chased by Pinwheel security forces in some very unfortunate costumes and a pair of cyborg bounty hunters played by Billy Drago, the eternal 90s movie villain, and Karen Sheperd, who is both a hottie and a talented martial artist. There’s a pretty creative action scene where Sheperd is on a rooftop and snags Jolie’s character, who is in the alley down below, in a noose and yanks her several storeys into the air. Oh, and Sven Ole Thoresen shows up as some kind of henchman. He’s in so many of these movies that I’m starting to think about doing a Sven Ole Thoreson retrospective. I mean, give the guy his due.
There’s also an underground fighting ring introduced late in the third act that serves no real purpose, doesn’t advance the plot, and isn’t even a particularly good fight scene. But Ric Young (the guy who plays Bruce Lee’s dad in Dragon The Bruce Lee Story) shows up as a weird sort of fight promoter/vampire. So there’s that.
Eventually, Cash and Colt escape.
Colt ages.
Colt dies.
Cash remains unchanged.
That’s it. That’s Cyborg 2.
Which, incidentally, bears a suspicious resemblance to TC 2000, another 1993 dystopian action flick with Billy Blanks and Bolo Yeung. Maybe I’ll get to that one someday.
Cyborg 2 Looks Pretty Good
Alright, now I said we’d come back to the positive aspects of the film, and while I didn’t love Cyborg 2, there are things about it that are undeniably good, things that I actually liked.
For one, Cyborg 2 actually looks really good. The production values (with the exception of the cheap and dated costumes the corporate security forces wear) are on the upper end for these kinds of DTV movies.
It’s shot well. The color grading is solid. The miniatures are even good. They’re extremely derivative of Blade Runner, but they look good and are lit well. And to be frankly honest with you, I prefer this sort of miniature over most of the CGI slop we’re given as a substitute for actual craftsmanship and artistry.
And though Cyborg 2 is adding nothing new to the visual texture of this genre of film, it does a lot with a little.
It uses existing locations like empty warehouses, alleyways, and rooftops, and dresses them up in dystopian garb to good effect. For all of its failures, Cyborg 2 really does manage to create a vibe.
Cyborg 2 Ambiance
You know those YouTube videos that are like 3 Hours of Green Dragon Inn Ambiance or 5 Hours of Blade Runner Blues? Cyborg 2 is kind of like that. It creates a mood through colorful neon lighting, costumes, set design, and just through its overall style. The story may not be exciting, but the world of Cyborg 2 feels like a dreamy place you could hang out in. Or at least throw up on YouTube on a rainy day while getting lost in a William Gibson novel or something.
The other thing Cyborg 2 has going for it, and I would be remiss not to mention this: there’s a healthy amount of t & a in it. And considering the audience for these kinds of movies, I don’t think that’s disappointing anyone.
But honestly the acting is far better than you’d expect from a sequel nobody asked for.
Angelina Jolie is good. She’s not terribly athletic and as such doesn’t really carry off the idea that she is some sort of cyborg super soldier/assassin or whatever the hell she’s supposed to be playing. Her fight scenes are awkward, but she’s magnetic and the camera loves her so whatever.
Jack Palance is…Jack Palance. His character in this is strange, and his performance is, well, it’s not uninteresting. And I wouldn’t exactly say he’s phoning it in.
BIlly Drago is pretty over the top too, but his performance only adds a layer of strangeness to the already strange.
But I really liked Elias Koteas in this.
He brings warmth and humanity to a character who barely exists on the page.
He’s charming, grounded, and honestly doing better work than this movie deserves.
And that’s the tragedy of Cyborg 2.
Pick Up the Pace!
Almost every individual element works better than expected.
Everything except the most important thing. The movie doesn’t move. I don’t know if it’s the script, the pacing, or the editing. Probably all three. But this is a chase movie where the bad guys chase the good guys the whole movie, and there is zero urgency. No momentum.
I wanted this movie to end a good thirty minutes before it actually did., because it just dragged on and on. If this one flaw didn’t exist, I’d be giving you a very different review right now. But it does. And here we are.
Cashing In on a Name
Cyborg 2 exists because Cannon went out of business, Cyborg made money, and Van Damme went on to become a star. Trimark or Vidmark or whoever picked up the rights, slapped a familiar name on a new script, and pushed this thing out to cash in on some leftover recognition.
That’s it. No deeper cultural resonance. It’s not a lost classic.
So Close
But Cyborg 2 comes dangerously close to being a recommendation.
Unfortunately it’s like a Ferrari with no engine. It looks great, but it’s not going anywhere. And as it stands, I can only suggest this one to the hardest-core VHS warriors out there or the people who may just appreciate the vibe. The people who are fine to relax into it and just let the plot just calmly unspool for what seems like hours.
If you’re looking for something exciting, keep looking.
There’s better junk out there.
Kung Pew Video is where I dig into the neon-drenched, straight-to-VHS corner of film history. New episodes weekly. Be kind. Subscribe. See ya in the VHS wasteland.
