“Meat’s meat, and man’s gotta eat!”
When I was growing up in Northern Maine we had a local drive-in. I only remember going a few times (with my parents) and I don’t really recall the movies (I do recall the snacks – Mike & Ike’s, Junior Mints and a candy that was basically caramel balls covered in chocolate that used to have dinosaurs on the package). Though it used to run all kinds of movies it, at some point, began showing more standard drive-in fare – that is, horror movies and exploitation flicks. It went under not long after that, though the enormous poles supporting the screens were still visible for a decade or more afterwards.
Unfortunately for me it went under before I was old enough to be able to go and SEE any of these movies. So no Tourist Trap, or The Toolbox Murders or Maniac! I was old enough to want to go see these films, however, and was roughly aware of what was playing. One of the last films that the old drive-in ran was Kevin Connor‘s Motel Hell. I desperately wanted to see this movie for some reason – probably the issue of Fangoria with Rory Calhoun on the cover in, dressed in a pig’s head and carrying a chainsaw. It just seemed over-the-top insane. I even concocted a plan with my friend John – he of the Fangoria magazine subscription – to try and climb some trees in the woods near the drive-in and watch it through binoculars.
Our plan remained – as most of our plans did – nothing but late-night hot air. The movie went away and eventually the drive-in did too.
Probably goes without saying, but this movie requires another warning that we’re taking a trip down
(This means gory descriptions and images below.)
The Medium
I watched Motel Hell on Tubi, and the quality was much better than the last time I watched it on DVD. It’s also available for streaming on Prime, Pluto, FlixFling and Roku. You can also rent or purchase it at the usual vendors. There have been a few Blu-ray releases in the last decade, including a 4k version from Scream Factory just last year. I keep meaning to pick up a copy and listen to the commentary. Maybe this year.
The Movie
The thing that surprises me the most about Motel Hell is that it’s a comedy. A black comedy, but still. I had no idea that first time. I mean, I should have, but I just never paid much attention to it after missing it in my youth. I must admit to needing a few minutes to adjust, the first time I watched the film. I expected a movie with a garden of heads and a pig-headed guy with a chainsaw to be more serious. Which is something I can’t believe I just wrote.
Anyway.
Farmer Vincent (Rory Calhoun) and his sister Ida (Nancy Parsons) run a motel (the Motel Hello – though the ‘o’ flickers a bit). They’ve also got a meat smoking business, which is pretty popular. It even has its own tagline – “It takes all kinds of critters to make Farmer Vincent fritters!” Now, I don’t want to startle anyone, but Farmer Vincent’s smoked meats may contain some roadkill. The kind that actually drives on the road.
There’s no real mystery here – by the time an over-inquisitive health inspector uncovers the truth of Vincent’s ‘secret garden’ we’re pretty clear that Vincent and Ida are using human flesh as their secret ingredient. Those sack-covered things, moving and making gurgling noises? Those are people that Vincent has ambushed on the road, buried up to their necks, cut their vocal cords, and is fattening up before slaughter. No, the real meat of the movie (sorry again) is the interaction of the characters and the bizarre and surreal beliefs and actions of the guests (and Vincent and Ida).
Hotel Hell takes a little while to get going – the early scenes revolve around Vincent ‘rescuing’ a young woman named Terry (Nina Axelrod) from a motorcycle accident (that he caused). Unaware of Vincent’s actions and with nowhere to go, she slowly warms to Vincent’s homespun demeanor and kindness. Ida is not so welcoming to the interloper, and their younger brother, Bruce (Paul Linke) – the clueless local sheriff – develops a crush on Terry.
Around this small-town soap opera are sprinkled some genuinely weird moments. A couple shows up having found the Motel Hello in a magazine for swingers – and they allow Ida and Vincent to tie them up and gas them, believing them to be fellow swingers. There’s a punk band – including John Ratzenberger – that flip their van and end up being hypnotized by bizarre equipment (Vincent’s ‘humane’ way of killing his ‘dumb animals’). There are cardboard cows, Terry’s former lover, Bo, and Wolfman Jack as a local preacher (his presence on the TV as the swingers get ‘warmed up’ is priceless).
Things just continue to get more and more unreal from there. After Terry is nearly drowned (by Ida) and saved by Vincent she tries to get Vincent to sleep with her. He refuses – they should be married first! Terry agrees and this drives Bruce a little crazy. He finally does some digging and figures out exactly why Farmer Vincent’s meats are so darned good. He rushes to tell Terry at the same time that the ‘secret garden’ is experiencing a breakout. Ida finds herself overwhelmed by the ‘animals’ and Vincent duels Bruce over Terry – with chainsaws, of course!
The thing about Motel Hell is how darn nice Ida and, in particular, Vincent are. They really believe they’re doing good things and it’s the ‘animals’ that are, well, animals. All deviants and social misfits – bikers and punk rockers and swingers and… well, I guess that one girl got the clap from a ski instructor. Anyway, the joke is that of course the things that Vincent and Ida are doing – fattening up people and using them in smoked meats – is a billion times worse and more deviant than anything their victims do. They just SEEM nice and normal – for whatever that means – and honestly, it’s enough to trick us into rooting for them, at least a little bit. (Especially as Bruce – the nominal hero of the film – is kind of a dick.)
Rory Calhoun is fantastic as Vincent and more than redeems himself for his lost and lackluster performance in Night of the Lepus. He just seems to be having a good time with the role. His final line is a howler – seems Vincent’s been a hypocrite this entire time… he used… preservatives!
The Bottom Line
Motel Hell wasn’t the movie I expected – but the movie I deserved! Always way more fun than I think it will be. Low budget, yes, but with a lot of black humor, gore, and bizarre characters that lift it above similar films. Well worth a watch if you haven’t seen it, and well worth another if it’s been a while.
