Films I Saw is a self explanatory monthly column dedicated to cataloging each and every film I saw within that month. Each film will be given a grade and a mini review.
Jan. 1—Until the End of the World (1991)
Shot in 15 different cities in seven different countries on four different continents, Until the End of the World is Wim Wenders’ nearly 5 hour road trip movie that ironically goes everywhere geographically but goes nowhere narratively. The film is an expensive self indulgent vanity project that’s meant to be a brilliant thesis statement on life or some shit but says nothing.
Hell, its “plot” doesn’t even kick in until the 4-ish hour mark. Which essentially means everything before the main characters get to Australia is pointless. And there’s A LOT of shit before they get to Australia. Hong Kong, France and I think America? This film goes all over the place but in service to nothing. Nothing happens. There’s no reason for this to even be half as long. I can’t even imagine what his original 20 hour cut could possibly be.
Grade: D
Jan. 2—Mutafukaz (2017)
If gang bangs or orgies could somehow produce children, Mutafukaz would be the unwanted bastard of a nasty four way between Tekkonkinkreet, Akira, Dead Leaves and a hip hop loving street wolf made of graffiti art who was brought to life through space magic. MFKZ is an odd combination of ingredients that is definitely less than the sum of its parts.
For every great thing it does (hyper stylized animation, ultra-violence, nonstop action), it does about two things wrong (plodding pace, nonsensical story, too many plot threads that go nowhere) but nevertheless, I was entertained. If the plot was a bit more streamlined, I would’ve liked it more but as it stands, it’s an easy 90 minute watch.
Grade: B
Jan. 3—Fahrenheit 11/9 (2018)
Filmmaker Michael Moore takes aim at the current state of American politics, particularly the Donald Trump presidency and gun violence, while highlighting the power of grassroots democratic movements. Because of his theatrics and, let’s say “creative interpretation of the facts”, Michael Moore is a divisive filmmaker. You either like his approach to documentaries or you don’t. While I agree with most of the criticisms leveled against him, I still enjoy most of his films.
I think he’s a great storyteller and Fahrenheit 11/9 is one of his best constructed narratives in awhile. As is often the case with Moore’s impassioned documentaries, 11/9 frustrates as much as it rouses, bouncing from topic to topic without fully digging into any of them. There are parts that I really wish had gotten more time and some segments I wish weren’t included at all (showing up at congressman’s house with a tanker of water from Flint is unnecessary) but as highlight reel of grievances against the government and a call to arms, I think it successfully does what it sets out to do.
Grade: B
Jan. 4—Boiling Point (1990)
A baseball player, who gets into trouble with the local Yakuza, teams up with a tough gangster to get revenge. I was with this film for the first half but once Beat Takashi showed up, I got so confused as to what was happening, I just kinda gave up on it. I have no idea how the baseball player and the gangster know each other, how either storyline has anything to do with each other and why the film decided to combine two completely separate stories. Half of this film is a standard revenge story and the other is literally 40-ish minutes of Beat beating up women, playing catch at the beach and fucking around in a field of weird looking flowers. I don’t get it.
Grade: D
Jan. 5—Villains (2019)
After a pair of amateur criminals break into a suburban home (Bill Skarsgård, Maika Monroe), they stumble upon a dark secret that two sadistic homeowners (Jeffrey Donovan, Kyra Sedgwick) will do anything to keep from getting out. Of the dozen or so home-Invaders-get-more-than-they-bargain-for-when-they-break-into-the-wrong-house films that have been released within the last five years, Villains is probably the most forgettable. Although Donovan gives a solid performance, he’s nowhere near as memorable as Lang is in Don’t Breathe and the secret in the basement isn’t nearly as crazy as Livid. At least its better than House on Willow Street but that ain’t saying much.
Grade: C
Jan. 6—Finding Frances (2017)
Acting as the series finale of the brilliant Nathan for You, Finding Frances is a feature length episode that involves Nathan Fielder trying to help a Bill Gates impersonator reunite with his long-lost love. Unlike the rest of the show, which is an elaborate meta prank show with every episode feeling like a hat on a hat on hat, Finding Frances is a poignant, deeply effecting look into lost love and regret. It still blurs the line between reality and fiction but its ultimate goal isn’t to pull a con on anyone but to hit you in the feels and does so with the power of twenty Mike Tysons.
Grade: B+
Jan. 7—Klaus (2019)
There’s been a few retellings of the Santa Claus origin (remember when Zack Snyder wanted to do a gritty reboot involving a hardcore Viking Claus? Oh Snyder, you wonderful dummy) but this one might by the most delightful. An amalgamation of traditional hand drawn and computer animation, Klaus is among the most gorgeous looking animated films to come out in quite some time. The animation is so good and the characters so likable, you’ll forgive it its conventional plot points and cliched third act. With its unique spin on the mythos and overall charm, Klaus has the potential to be your new annual tradition.
Grade: B
Jan. 8—The Tenant (1976)
A bureaucrat (Roman Polanski) finds himself drawn into a rabbit hole of dangerous paranoia after he moves into a strange Paris apartment. Roger Ebert famously tore this film apart, calling it “unspeakably disappointing” and claiming it’s “not merely bad — it’s an embarrassment” and while I see where he’s coming from, I think he’s only slightly right. There’s a lot of terrible shit in this movie (the sexual politics, the unforgivable pace, the excruciating pace, the ridiculous ending, Etc.) but there is also some grade A, honest to goodness creepiness in it. It doesn’t make up for all of its sins however, but it does have at least something going for it.
Grade: C
Jan. 9—Kedi (2016)
A documentary about cats running around Istanbul. The film follows about eight different cats, each with their own story and personality. One is a boss bitch that runs the streets, another is a thief that breaks into people’s houses and steals their shit in order to feed her kittens. One is a gentleman that waits patiently outside a cafe to get some grub and one gets paid in fish by a restaurant because they kill all the rats. It’s really cute for about 20 or so minutes but then it starts wearing out its welcome.
Grade: C
Jan. 10—1917 (2020)
Mendes must’ve seen the single take shot in Atonement—which for those of you that don’t know, was a long scene set on the beaches of Dunkirk—and thought to himself “I can do that but better.” It only took him 12 years but he finally made Joe Wright hold his beer. 1917 is Mendes’ most purely ambitious and passionate picture to date. Not since Mad Max: Fury Road as a film perfectly embodied the textbook definition of the idea of ‘pure cinema.’ Anyone watching this can easily understand the plot, regardless of their age or language. It uses as little words as possible to convey its message.
Since they were basically making a silent film, the director, along with the God King Deakins, meticulously labored over every shot to make sure that every scene was not only gorgeous but filled with as much visual information as possible. You could watch this on mute and understand what it is they need to do and how dangerous each area they encounter is. In addition to its tremendous wordless storytelling, the film was also designed as one continuous shot, which puts you in the characters shoes. With every step they take, you can feel the ticking clock of dread looming over their heads. It never came off as a gimmick to me but as a tool in which to help fully immerse me into this war. 1917 is an expertly crafted and emotionally exhausting thrill-ride behind enemy lines that’s equal parts beautiful and technically flawless.
Grade: A+
Jan. 11—Blood, Boobs & Beast (2007)
A documentary about shlock meister Don Dohler, director of such trashterpieces as The Alien Factor, Nightbeast and Galaxy Invader. The film covers his early career creating successful underground comics and sci-fi zines, his transition into a B movie icon, his retirement from film and then eventual return. It’s a standard doc that focuses a little too heavily on the making of one of his later films (which actually ended up being his last film) but all in all, it’s a decent watch.
Grade: C
Jan. 12—Mega Time Squad (2018)
After he steals a bracelet/temporal dislocator from a Chinese antiques shop, John (Anton Tennet) decides to manipulate the device to create an army of himself in order to fight his previous employers and the triad who are after him for some reason. Mega Time Squad has a lot going for it. It’s time travel gimmick is novel and the humor isn’t terrible but it just doesn’t work. They never properly explain how it works and the film just meanders for a long chunk in the middle. A couple more passes at the script and it could’ve been a cult classic but as it stands, it’s just another forgettable time travel movie.
Grade: D
Jan. 13—Art and Craft (2014)
For several decades, a gifted and incredibly prolific forger by the name of Mark Landis created impeccable copies of works by a variety of major artists, donating them to institutions across the country and landing pieces on many of their walls. This is the story of one man’s compulsive need to create forgeries and anothers equally obsessive need to take him down.
Art and Craft isn’t a documentary about art, it’s an exploration about why we do what we do. Landis creates forgeries, not for profit or adulation but because he’s good at it. Mark Leininger hunts him because he has a similar urge. They do what they do because they don’t know how to do anything else. It’s an interesting look inside the mindset of two completely different people both driven by compulsion.
Grade: C
Jan. 14—Bad Black (2016)
Within the last decade, Nabwana I.G.G. has produced around 15 action films, which doesn’t sound impressive when compared to Takashi Miike or Johnnie To but the fact that he literally does everything (minus acting) on every film he makes, makes his accomplishments far more awe-inspiring. Especially considering his working conditions. He lives in such an impoverished part of Africa, that he’s forced to film in sewers and all of the props are made of wood. On paper, everything about his films screams terrible but what separates his work from other no-budget directors, is the passion. You can clearly tell that he and everyone involved, loves making movies.
Juggling about five different plots that surprisingly all get resolved (the best involving a mild-mannered doctor being trained in the art of ass-kicking commando vengeance by a no-nonsense ghetto kid named Wesley Snipes), Bad Black is far more ambitious than his previous effort Who Killed Captain Alex. He’s really stepped his game up and it shows. It has the same “hey, let’s put on a show” type energy that Rudy Ray Moore and early Robert Rodriguez’s filmography has. At the end of the day, the film is tons of fun and I hope I.G.G. continues to make films for a very long time.
Grade: B
Jan. 15—Local Hero (1983)
An American oil company sends a man to Scotland to buy up an entire village where they want to build a refinery. But things don’t go as expected. We all have those films that, for whatever reason, we love unconditionally. Films that speak to us on a level we can’t fully articulate or touch us in a profound way. They’re films we find at the right time that usually hold some sort of nostalgic or sentimental value.
For many people, that film is Local Hero. I’ve heard people describe it as magical and meditative and even profound. Which is why it bums me out that I didn’t get any of those things. It was likable, sure but I just never felt engaged. I never clicked with its aimlessness, I never cared about the town or its inhabitants, I don’t understand the point of the “mermaid” subplot and I kinda felt the whole thing was a bit pointless. Not a bad movie by any stretch of the imagination, I just didn’t see any magic.
Grade: C
Jan. 16—The Meyerowitz Stories (New and Selected) (2017)
An estranged family gathers together in New York City for an event celebrating the artistic work of their father. At some point in the middle of his filmography, Noah Baumbach started feeling more and more like his frequent collaborator Wes Anderson—not stylistically that is, but thematically. His films had always been about flawed characters but dysfunctional families with a shitty patriarch at the center? That’s all Wes baby.
Whether it was intentional or not, this is 100% a remake of The Royal Tenenbaums. The plots are nearly identical and the characters are almost the exact same. That’s not a knock against the film, I just find it funny that both men tackled the exact same subject matter but in two completely different ways. Oh and for all of you Uncut Gems fans out there, Adam Sandler is probably better in this than he is in that.
Grade: B
Jan. 17—Terror Train (1980)
One night after watching Halloween and Silver Streak back to back, executive producer Daniel Grodnik had a dream about both films and after asking his wife “What do you think about putting Halloween on a train?” She answered, “That’s a terrible idea.” He then proceeded to write down “Terrible Train” on a piece of paper and went back to bed. When he awoke, he took the piece of paper, changed the title, wrote a quick draft and had a deal that day. I mention this for two reasons: 1) she was right and 2) his original title was spot on.
Grade: F
Jan. 18—Matewan (1987)
A labor union organizer comes to an embattled mining community brutally and violently dominated and harassed by the mining company. There’s always three things you can count on when it comes to the films of John Sayles: 1) good dialogue 2) good acting and 3) good direction and Matewan is no exception. The entire cast (especially newcomer Chris Cooper and the always reliable James Earl Jones) is uniformly excellent, with each actor fully inhabiting their character. If it wasn’t for the familiar faces and the Wexler cinematography, you could’ve convinced me that this was a documentary. It feels that authentic and real.
Grade: B
Jan. 19—The Squid and the Whale (2005)
Loosely based on the childhood experiences of Noah Baumbach and his brother, The Squid and the Whale tells the story of two young boys dealing with their parents divorce in Brooklyn in the 1980’s. There is no better testament to the writing skills of Baumbach than this movie. Because if this didn’t have as strong a cast or had a lesser script, it would be fucking unwatchable. Almost every single character in this is unlikable. The father is a smug asshole, the eldest son is a pretentious cunt and the youngest brother is a horrible monster. They’re all borderline insufferable but I can’t fault the film for being too good at depicting assholes. Every character is perfectly cast and some of them give career best performances. I just wish it had that Wes Anderson style to help buffer some of its unlikableness.
Grade: C+
Jan. 20—The Man from Nowhere (2010)
A quiet pawnshop keeper with a violent past takes on a drug-and-organ trafficking ring in hope of saving the child who is his only friend. Although I haven’t heard the directors of John Wick specifically name check this film, there’s no way they weren’t inspired by it. There’s far too many similarities between the two for it to be a coincidence. But I ain’t complaining. If you’re going to rip off or take inspiration from something, make it something as great as this. It’s the coolest, most badass action film since Leon: The Professional.
Grade: A
Jan. 21—The Other Side of the Wind (2019)
The perfect example of a film’s history being far more interesting and entertaining than the film itself. It’s a film that requires the viewer to do homework beforehand because to truly get it and why it’s a big deal, you have to know about the life and career of its director, the life and career of the actor playing the director within the film, the film Zabriskie Point and the production problems that kept it in a vault, unseen for 40 years. Will all of this knowledge improve the film itself? Not really, no but it might help you appreciate it on an historical level. I don’t think the film works but I’m glad I finally got to see it.
Grade: D+
Jan. 22—The Beast (1975)
It seems to me, based on the limited knowledge I have on his career, that Walerian Borowczyk was a provocateur. He pushed the limits of good taste in order to blur the line between what is art and what is pornography. A man unafraid of sin and taboo, no subject was ever off limits. In fact, he actively sought them out. Take for example: The Beast, a film about a woman falling in love with a beastly creature ala Beauty and the Beast (hence the title) or The Shape of Water but where those films played up the romantic elements of those stories, this film involves a woman covering herself in the ejaculate of a beast monster that jerks himself off to death. That’s only a small portion of the film but honestly, it’s all that matters.
Grade: C
Jan. 23—Phase IV (1974)
Due to a space spore or some such nonsense, ants have suddenly become hyper intelligent and decide to wage war on the inhabitants of a small desert town. Only two scientists and a local farm girl are all that stand between them global annihilation. Or something. Due to the behind the scenes problems that hampered the production, I’m gonna chalk this one up to a flawed “what if” scenario.
The film definitely has some interesting ideas, so I can somewhat buy that the original ending could potentially fix a lot of the film’s problems but I didn’t see that ending. I saw the ending with the weird, unexplained “ant girl” that just cuts to black and that doesn’t answer any questions and doesn’t make any sense. I should’ve watched Them! instead.
Grade: D+
Jan. 24—What If (2013)
Wallace (Daniel Radcliffe), who is burned out from a string of failed relationships, forms an instant bond with Chantry (Zoe Kazan), who lives with her longtime boyfriend (Rafe Spall). Can Wallace, who’s madly in love with Chantry, be ‘just friends’ or should he risk it all for love? The best thing about What If is also the worst thing about What If, which is: it’s unbearably cute. It’s like having an annoyingly chipper waitress come to your table every ten minutes for the smallest thing. Her friendly attitude shouldn’t bother you but something about her eagerness to please rubs you the wrong way. Outside of Driver and Davis (who own the film) there really wasn’t anything about this that I liked. But I didn’t hate it either. It’s just too goddamn cute.
Grade: C
Jan. 25—Weathering With You (2020)
Following up the critically acclaimed and massively successful Your Name is no easy feat but Weathering with You proves the director ain’t no one trick pony. A high-school boy who has run away to an alternate version of Tokyo that constantly suffers hard rainfalls, befriends a girl who appears to be able to manipulate the weather. The two of them, plus her kid brother, open a sunshine rental service and everything seems to be going great until her body starts feeling the effects of her weather tampering. As irresistibly romantic as it is awe-inspiringly gorgeous, Weathering With You is a wonderfully charming fantasy that has one foot grounded in reality, while the other one kicks around a ball made up of whimsical magic. Makoto Shinkai made amazing films before Your Name and Weathering with You is proof he can make amazing films after it too.
Grade: B
Jan. 26—There’s Nothing Out There (1991)
For nearly 50 years, Troma has delighted generations of degenerates who love exploitation trash and films that look like they caught an STD in a seedy back alley. They make films for their audience and their audience loves them but every once in awhile, they’ll distribute a film people without severe brain damage can actually enjoy. Simply by virtue of the fact that it isn’t slimy and it doesn’t make you feel like you caught something by watching it, There’s Nothing Out There is among the best of their releases. That isn’t to say it’s good per say, it’s just good by Troma standards. The acting is terrible across the board, the direction is adequate at best and it’s annoyingly meta but there was an attempt at making a fun parody of 50’s alien attack movies. It’s not entirely successful but it does deserve some credit for doing the same shit Scream and Cabin in the Woods did years earlier.
Grade: D+
Jan. 27—Superstition (1982)
Put to death in 1692, a witch swears vengeance on her persecutors and returns to the present day to punish their descendants. Why witches and other supernatural entities wait hundreds of years to enact their revenge is anyone’s guess but she’s back and ready to kill. A Canadian production shot in California and featuring one of the coolest movie posters of all time, Superstition has a lot of things going for it: gnarly deaths, a cool looking witch, a soundtrack that slaps and a great atmosphere. The plot may meander for a bit and the acting might be a tad shit but it delivers on its premise and then some.
Grade: C
Jan. 28—The Nightmare (2015)
A teenage girl forms a bond with a strange monster while she’s in the middle of stress induced mental breakdown. If feels as though the director found out what happened to Drew Barrymore after the release of E.T. (she was drinking in clubs at the age of 12) and wondered what would’ve happened if the alien befriended her then. An oppressive film, it mercilessly and relentlessly attacks the viewer with techno strobe dance parties, drug-induced freakouts and the absolute horror that is the psyche of the protagonist.
It pulls no punches in its depictions of mental health and how a diseased mind effects more than just its host. But on the flip side, it’s adorably cute thanks to the ugly as sin Basket Case-esque monster. Is he a metaphor for one’s own personal demons? Drug addiction? Teenage pregnancy? What he wants and why he’s attached himself to the lead is never made clear but that’s the beauty of ambiguity. It could be about anything or it could be about nothing and if you don’t like films that aren’t cut and dry, you probably won’t like this film.
Grade: C+
Jan. 29—The Taking of Deborah Logan (2014)
What begins as a heartbreaking medical documentary about one woman’s descent into Alzheimer’s disease degenerates into a maddening portrayal of mental illness at its most frightening. As unexplained events begin to plague the family and crew, you begin to question whether this is merely the effects of dementia or something far more sinister. Recent films like The Visit and Amour show that there’s nothing more terrifying than the slow deterioration of the mind and if The Taking of Deborah Logan never went supernatural, it would still be scary as hell. The first act is so painfully realistic, it’s hard to look at sometimes. In fact, the film could’ve ditched the horror completely and been a really great character drama. But thankfully, they decided to make a film in which a creepy old lady devours a little girl whole.
Grade: B
Jan. 30—The House of the Laughing Windows (1976)
Commissioned to save a controversial mural located in the church of a small, isolated village, a young painter must restore terrible depictions of agony and suffering until the madness that consumed the last artist starts to infect his mind as well. There are so many films within the subgenre, that they all start to melt together to the point where I have a hard time telling them apart.
The titles are all similar (usually involving an animal, a color and/or blade of some kind), the plots are all identical, the killer is almost always a priest or crazy chick and everyone is drinking J & B whiskey. It takes a true original to stand out from the pack and unfortunately The House of the Laughing Windows ain’t it. It’s boring as shit, the mystery is a big ol’ bag of who gives a shit and it doesn’t even have the decency to be weird and/or filled with nudity. Skip it.
Grade: D
Jan. 31—Razorback (1984)
A local hunter wants vengeance against a vicious man-beating boar that he believes is responsible for the death of his grandson. Joining him on his quest is Carl, a man investigating the mysterious disappearance of his wife, an animal activist who was investigating the hunting epidemic in the community. With skin in the game and the need for vengeance in their hearts, the two men set out on a razorback killing mission that may or may not turn out to be a suicide mission. An early directional effort by Russell Mulcahy (of Highlander fame), Razorback is an eye-poppingly gorgeous Jaws knock off filled with visceral horror and tense action. it’s one of the better examples of Ozploitation and is definitely within the top five best Jaws homages. Which is saying a lot considering there’s about a million of them.
Grade: C
